Caregiver Question: How to Deal with Mom’s Dementia and Hateful Behavior?

Caregiver Question: How to Deal with Mom’s Dementia and Hateful Behavior?

My mom has dementia and her behavior toward me has become mean and combative. How do I take care of her but set boundaries with her hateful behavior?

Dementia is a cruel disease that can change a person’s personality and behavior. As a result, family members often struggle to take care of their loved ones with dementia, especially when their behavior becomes mean and combative. If you are in this situation, it is important to remember that your loved one’s behavior is not intentional and that they are not trying to hurt you. However, you still need to take care of yourself and set boundaries to protect your mental and emotional health. Here are some tips for taking care of your loved one with dementia while also setting boundaries for their behavior.

Understand the causes of your loved one’s behavior
People with dementia may become combative due to confusion, frustration, or fear. They may also become agitated if they feel like they have lost control over their lives. Understanding the reasons behind their behavior can help you respond more effectively and with more compassion.

1. Don’t take their behavior personally
Remember that your loved one’s behavior is not intentional and that they are not trying to hurt you. Try not to take their words or actions personally and don’t let their behavior make you feel guilty or ashamed. In fact, their behavior may be an indicator that there is something else going on. You may want to have them assessed by a medical professional to make sure they are not sick or in pain. Since dementia patients may not be able to verbally express themselves, their behavior may be an indicator of distress.

2. Set clear boundaries
If distress related to an issue that can be addressed is not the culprit, it is important to set clear boundaries with your loved one to protect your mental and emotional health. Decide what you are and are not willing to tolerate and communicate these boundaries to your loved one. If they are in a safe and caring environment it is reasonable to set limits on how often you visit or how long you stay, or you may need to avoid certain topics of conversation.

3. Be patient and calm
When your loved one becomes combative, it is important to remain patient and calm. Avoid getting into arguments or trying to reason with them. Instead, try to distract them with a pleasant activity or change the subject.

4. Seek support
Caring for a loved one with dementia can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Make sure to seek support from friends, family members, or a professional caregiver. Joining a support group can also be helpful, as it can provide you with a safe space to share your experiences and connect with others who are going through similar challenges. Talking with a therapist that specializes in caregiving issues can help you process what you are going through and troubleshoot effective strategies and resources.

5. Take care of yourself
Finally, make sure to take care of yourself. Get enough rest, eat a healthy diet, and engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Taking care of yourself will help you better manage the challenges of caring for a loved one with dementia.

Caring for a loved one with dementia is challenging, especially when their behavior becomes mean and combative. It is important to remember that their behavior is not intentional and to set clear boundaries to protect your mental and emotional health. Seek support from others, remain patient and calm, and take care of yourself to better manage the challenges of caring for a loved one with dementia.

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